Remembering Noel

A good friend of mine died 3 years ago, on April 2nd, barely a month after my father died.

I knew him for only about 2 years when he died but the few and unforgettable moments we shared were enough for his exuberant nature to rub off on me.

Sometimes, I wish that we were able to spend more time together. Marami pa akong gustong ikwento sa kanya and we haven’t even started collaborating on a film yet. We haven’t even traveled out of town together.

Bakit ganun noh? When you realize that you’ve grown to love someone, whether that person is a friend or a lover or a very close family member, you never stop loving them.

I learned recently that if we really look inside ourselves, we would come to the conclusion that we love ourselves more than we love other people.

So I guess what I mean by loving someone is realizing that that person makes us feel good about who we are : they make us feel bigger than ourselves, more capable, more adequate, more generous, more trusting, more kind, more adventurous, more courageous, more articulate even…

When we encounter these people, they make us WANT to be our true selves. They bring out our basic goodness, our luminosity.

Bakit kasi takot na takot tayo sa sarili natin?

I once asked a person what he fears and yun ang sagot niya, “takot ako sa sarili ko”.

Promise ko sa ‘yo Noel, hindi ako matatakot magmahal ulit at sumugal ng paulit-ulit sa maraming bagay at sa maraming tao.

Sabi mo nga sa akin one time, over a bottle of beer, “if you can’t beat them, bitch about ‘em! Then move on and find something else to bitch about.”

That’s your version of telling me to never give up. Siyempre minsan magpapahinga ka, magwa-whine ng konti, magmumukmok, pero pagkatapos nun, sugod ulit. I think I’m ready to find something else to bitch about. It’s been a while…